Irreverent Love 

Sex, Intimacy & Relationship Coaching
Intimacy Surrogacy

 

Individuals & Partners

 

Navigating Sex & Relationships Socialized as a Man

Performance anxiety, identity, relationship and interpersonal dynamics, shame or lack of knowledge about sexual turn-ons, stress and self worth can wreak havoc on your ability to feel desirable, flirt, seduce, get hard, stay hard, timing and personal enjoyment. You are told that you need to fit a certain mold to be considered masculine, be in charge, skillful and ready at any time as well as provide and caretake. This doesn't leave much room for you to be emotionally vulnerable which allows for deeper understanding of yourself in connection and better sex for everyone. I recognize the importance of creating a safe environment to navigate these difficult emotional topics and provide support to experience your emotions deeply as well as build flirting and seduction skills.

As a an Intimacy Surrogate, I also provide the roll of a surrogate partner that will help you navigate skills in connection, flirting, seduction and building intimacy and sexual skills overall. My "relationship lab" technique creates a compassionately constructive space for you to learn about, heal, re-wire and build on your intimacy and sex skills so you can feel empowered in your sex life and relationships, leading to more sexual confidence, deeper supportive connections and mind-blowing sex.

For more on help with sexual performance, visit Sex Coach for Men.

Read my published article describing what the work can look like.
 

Navigating Sex & Relationships Socialized as a Woman
I know that we can put the sexual needs of others (especially our partners) before our own. Society tells us that we're supposed to temper our urges and not ask for what we want; enforcing the idea that our needs are secondary to men’s. Drawing on my own relationship experiences, I help undo that narrative and work to move past societal pressure to discover strengths, understand sexual needs, break the shame shackles, and awaken powerful sexy energy and feeling of autonomy.

Partners
We're often not given tools to navigate talking about our own sexual desires with our partner or given the space to ask each other for our needs or honor our own capacities and set boundaries in the relationship dynamic. Too often we just adopt a one size fits all approach to expectations which is not sustainable and leads to resentment and burnout. I enjoy working with partners jointly and individually to assess dynamics and offer a safe individual space to navigate personal needs and how they fit into the relationship dynamic. 

Kink and Ethical or Consensual Non-Monogamy
Needs and boundaries look different depending on who you ask. All of us are different. These subjects have been considered taboo and "not normal" unfortunately, which has caused shame, resentment and shut down for individuals in relationships, because they feel "broken", "wrong" or "fucked up". I specialize in de-shamifying and accepting. You may not feel safe to begin a conversation about relationship boundaries or sexual desires that are integral to your emotional well-being and sexual turn-on. I love helping partners and individuals navigate what they want in their relationships in terms of boundaries, flirtation and sex outside of each other, other partners and exploring sexual desires that fall outside of the "norm". All of our needs are incredibly important and suppressing them and carrying shame takes us further from connection with partners and our emotional well-being.
 You don't need to suffer in silence.

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Man with Tattoos
Image by Wesley Balten
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Testimonials

“My goal was to try something new, in hopes of finding something atypical to traditional talking through your problems with a stranger. I wanted someone who would make me get out of my comfort zone of talking with someone. Being active with somebody, I tend to get more of a bond which helps me be more vulnerable.

After trying a couple of therapists in my area without much help, I decided to try something new and different. My experience was extremely positive. I initially was skeptical, but Ashley made me feel very comfortable which helped me open up and be vulnerable. Unfortunately for me, Ashley moved to California. However, I have continued to implement what I learned from our sessions to my life. I feel much more confident and self-assured. I would definitely recommend her to someone who is open minded to a new experience!” 
-David

"I have had deep traumatic experience with women throughout my life. Starting with my mom, then babysitter, fellow peers in school, and even the only two girlfriends I've had in the past. So many women hurt me, so I was afraid of them. Afraid of women. Afraid of being hurt. I have not had a relationship with a woman for over 11 years. I've only had sex only three times in my life.That is where I was coming from to seek coaching and healing from Ashley. She was so calming and welcoming. She listened to me, truly listened, and never interrupted me. She respected my past discussions, she understood me, and felt deep empathy for me. She showed me how to be vulnerable to her and in turn how to be vulnerable and safe with others. I also never conceived myself as being attractive, let alone think others would find me attractive. Ashley made me realize that I AM sexy. And damn handsome too. I didn't know how to be sexy at all at first. But she taught me, and it was easy to learn. I was shown that I had known how to be sexy all along, I just had to learn how to tap into it. Ashley is so amazing with what she does. She changed my life for the better. I now have the knowledge and confidence I need to find the woman I want to love forever. And I'm not afraid of the few women I may encounter along the way, and that it is fine to enjoy the journey. I do not need to feel ashamed of my sexuality. Ashley is so wonderful and she made me feel wonderful as well. She will make you feel the same."

-Sebastian

"There are so many amazing things to say about Ashley! She is so comforting, and lets you put all your insecurities out in the air with out judgement at all! Even after just one session everything we worked on made me feel so much more confident! Not only does she help on a sexual level but she is also so helpful on a personal level as well. She was so easy to talk to it is almost as if the words just started coming out haha! I would highly recommend going to see Ashley for any insecurity or even if you just want to up your game behind closed doors!"
-Scotty

"I have experienced difficulty with relationships and when my marriage had hit rock bottom. I felt like a failure, dealt with anxiety, and insecurities for most of my life. Ashley is truly an incredible person! She is an expert at what she does and I can say without hesitation that I felt better, and more confident in myself after each session I had with her. She is kind, sweet, down to earth, and very respectful. Most importantly, she always made me feel comfortable and helped me to realize I have the potential to have the kind of relationships I want. She helped me to remove the negative mental blocks in my thinking and helped me to realize I know how to be intimate, sexy, and be confident in myself. I recommend Ashley to help anyone with their dating, love, and intimacy coaching needs!"
-Kristopher

 

"I’m a guy who’s in the autistic spectrum. It’s a social disorder that makes communication and interactions very difficult and frightening especially around women. I’m very shy, not confident, and traumatized from past experiences made me feel isolated, hopeless, and pessimistic about having a relationship in the future or if ever. I never had sex or having a girlfriend made me feel out of place and shameful in public and desperate for having these small moments in life. Since I was on the spectrum I had only one best friend and my 2 pets so therapy was very common in my lifetime. I found a vast majority of therapists very unreliable, due to greed, lack of empathy or interest, patience which I felt abandon and unwanted which I called my autism “a curse”.

When I first met Ashley, I was initially nervous but willing to try it out because it was new. How she greeted me with kindness, understood what I was going through, wanting to help me with the challenges that I face. It’s like an animal trying to find a home and owner that is loving, that what it was like for me seeing Ashley.
 

I got to make new very memorable and happy moments which I never thought would happen and replacing the traumatized moments with the new happy times. Like I never been to prom before or asked a girl to a dance, Ashley was there to make the experience happen. She makes me feel safe during the sessions in which I’m excited to see Ashley versus my previous ones who were unwelcoming and hostile. She gave me and showed hope which I havent’ had in a long time. I talked about my autism in which we call it now my sexy autism in which she finds it very attractive, awesome, and sexy. She’s the first girl to say happy birthday to me."
-Alex

I had the pleasure of being a small part of this wonderful person's journey of taking his bull by the horns. Listen to his vulnerable, powerful and relatable story of finding his sexual, masculine animal and power of giving pleasure.

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What is this work?

In sessions with me, we find what works for you. I am a certified Sex Educator by the American College of Sexologists International and as a SomaticaⓇ Sex and Relationship Coach. We use talk, experiential and somatic methods to go beyond the boundaries of talk therapy to explore authentic connection that creates a safe space for your growth, healing and exploration. I work to make you aware of the emotions you can feel moving through your system so you are more mindful and aware of how you are reacting. By approaching challenging areas and blocks for you, you get directly into the situation itself to rewire your thoughts and patterns with compassionate and constructive support. We dive deep into what is holding you back from what you’re really craving and gives you the skills to connect on deeply intimate and erotic levels that satiate you in new ways.

Common Questions

Do you work with individuals or partners?

Both. I often see partners in joint sessions and individual sessions.

We’ll be getting emotionally intimate. That's too vulnerable.

Learning to know yourself deeply and learning how to explore with someone else is the work which is very new for many people to reach such depths. I create a safe space for you and your growth so you can take your learned skills and apply them to your life and enjoy it outside of our session boundaries. 

 

Are you a Therapist?

I am trained in the Somatica method which fills a niche need of surrogate intimacy work with clients which is outside the boundaries of many therapy practices. I do enjoy working in tandem with you and your therapist to provide the experiential growth. I am not a licensed marriage and family therapist, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, physician, nor do I offer medical advice, therapy or psychotherapy.

Will we have sex? 

Clothes will remain in place and there is no kissing or stimulation to orgasm. Sex starts far before physical contact and just relying on physical skills and techniques is actually skipping over the foundation of skills and knowledge for better sex and satiation. As an intimacy surrogate,  we work together to enhance your emotional and sexual intimacy.  

Legal Notice: I adhere to California Penal Code section 647(b) and CALCRIM Nos. 1153 to 1155, the services discussed herein do not in any way include or relate to either (1) engagement in any lewd act for money or other consideration, or (2) solicitation, offer, or agreement to engage in any lewd act for money or other consideration.

 

About Me
Ashley (She/Her)

I graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with an Undergrad in French language and Minor in Communications Studies. I grew up in Texas and Belgium and lived the past twelve years in Austin, Texas before moving to the Los Angeles area to what I love doing now, helping individuals and partners enhance their relationships, self worth and sex lives.

My career path includes working for the Governor’s Office in Austin on the Texas Emerging Technology Fund, the Criminal Justice Divisions’ Law Enforcement Team, working in Marketing and Sales in the Wine and Spirits Industry and working in sales for Google Fiber.

Along the way I have been married and divorced, hitting emotional rock-bottom as I realized I was putting my partner before myself in just about every way. I chose to no longer live a life that wasn’t serving me and didn’t want others to do the same.

Since then I have opened my eyes to exploring sexuality, erotic connection, relationship boundaries and learning what works for me personally. It’s an on-going process that I get to enjoy and share my experience and knowledge I have gained paired with my Somatica training to help others. It’s through this work that I really get to help others realize that they don't have to accept a life, relationship or sex life that is less than constantly being satiated.

 

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